1 “Forgive Him, Please!”

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HE AIN’T HEAVY – Sharing/Bearing the Tough Stuff #8 Sunday, August 7, 2016

Dr. David A. Staff

“Forgive Him, Please!” Paul’s Letter to his friend Philemon

Just inside the door of a 1st century home somewhere in the city of Colossae, a young man waits nervously. The house reflects the owner’s wealth and status. It is spacious, and many people--family and servants--live there together. In fact, on most Lord’s Days, the Colossian church came here to worship. Perhaps one of the servants has allowed the young man in, but cautiously. He is not a foreigner; still he is no friend. In fact, his presence is a shocking surprise, though he himself is truly no stranger to this house. In fact he knows thelayout of the entire house quite well because for many months, perhaps years, he served this family. He had lived in the servants’ quarters. As a young servant, he was given the name Onesimus, which means “useful.” A name that could have been prophetic, his master hopeful he might become what his name suggested. Indeed, Onesimus for a time may ha useful, hardworking employee-- his name the reward a good start in the household. But strangely, over a series of days stretching into weeks, something began to go wrong. Things were turning up missing--a treasured item one week, money missing the next. The servants were questioned; Onesimus appeared as innocent as the rest. Still, the problem grew even while Onesimus’ attention to duty began to wane. He became less and less reliable, more and more distracted. Worse, other younger servants were mimicking his ways. Then, one day, a great sum of money was missing, and so was Onesimus. He was just gone. Word on the street was that he’d left the area, heading for the coast, running---east or west or south—no one really knew. Lost in the crowds, Onesimus supposed that no one would give chase. No one did. The master-owner Philemon took the hit quietly, trying to react in keeping with his newfound faith in Christ. But it was obvious that it bothered him deeply. He felt foolish for ignoring his growing suspicions. He hated being taken. He remembered how Potipher could leave his entire household in young Joseph’s care and not give it a second thought. Onesimus simply didn’t have the breeding, the character, required to be trusted. He never heard from Onesimus--not that he thought he would. He figured his servant would find trouble enough. He’d broken Roman law; he lacked the markings and the documentation to prove he was a freeman. He’d run out his tether, likely return in chains. But months went by and not a word was heard.

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Until today. Philemon was engaged down in the central market when one of his servants came and whispered in his ear that Onesimus had returned. “He waiting in the front room,” and, “yes, someone is watching him.” Finishing his business, Philemon excused himself and walked home with a determined gate. He slipped around back of the house, washed his face, and the made for the front room. There he stood, and the two stared at each other for long moments. “What brings you back?” Philemon inquired. “And why did you leave?” Onesimus bowed his head, and from a leather satchel under his right arm, he withdrew a parchment scroll. It was sealed, and when he handed it to his former master, the recipient recognized the imprint in the hardened wax. His eyes widened. Graciously, he invited Onesimus to sit down, and he did the same as he broke the seal and unrolled the parchment scroll. Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow worker 2 and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house: 3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 1

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, 6 and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. 7 For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. 4

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Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, 9 yet for love's sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus— 10 I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment.

(Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) 12 I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. 13 I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, 14 but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord.

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15 For

this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, 16 no longer as a bondservant[c] but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. 18 If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. 19 I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. 20 Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ.

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Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. 22 At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.

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Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, 24 and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. 25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Philemon read the letter again, and then a third time, slowly. Finally, he looked up again at Onesimus

who sat silently, his head respectfully bowed. “You went to Rome?” “Yes,” Onesimus replied.

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“And you met Paul?” “Yes. And more importantly, I’ve met Christ. Master Philemon, I’m so sorry.” This remarkable letter from Paul to Philemon was more than just a personal letter about a private matter. Under the inspiration of God’s Holy Spirit, it is a word from God to us about forgiveness. Throughout these 25 verses, Paul makes one request of his friend Philemon, and it’s found in verse 1717 So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. Forgiveness is one of our most difficult things. Forgiving little things, I suppose, is easier. “Love,” writes James, “covers a multitude of sins.” But when someone has a track record of uselessness, when that same someone has deceived you even as you trusted them, stolen from you when you thought what you had was safe, sown seeds of discord among others about you, and even embarrassed you as foolish for trusting him…well that’s another matter. My goodness, had it been Paul himself in Philemon’s front waiting room, Philemon would have embraced him with a bear hug and kisses on both cheeks! They were great friends. But the man in the front room was a thief and a cheat and a coward…accept him as I would Paul? “Why in the world would I do that?” Philemon asks himself. Today, I’d like to ask and answer two questions from this letter about forgiveness:

If I’m a “Philemon,” what about forgiveness is taught here? If I’m an “Onesimus,” when can I expect to be forgiven? Extending TOUGH STUFF forgiveness (according to Paul’s letter to Philemon) What is Paul asking Philemon to do, and why? 4 principles #1 Extending forgiveness involves recognizing God brings about new life through spiritual birth. PHM 1:10

“I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. We don’t know many of the details. What we know is that God worked in such a way as to bring

Onesimus in contact with Paul, and Paul brought Onesimus in contact with the Lord. In his life, there’s new life from God. #2 Extending forgiveness involves celebrating that God has brought about change. 11 (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) 12 I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. 13 I would have been glad to keep

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him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, 14 but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says this: If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things are passing away. Look! New things are coming! Third principle -#3 Extending forgiveness involves discerning God’s greater plan – a plan more important than the loss you incurred, or the hurt and betrayal you felt – is at work. 15 For

this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, 16 no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

Paul says to Philemon, “Hey man, take a step back and look at it from the workings of a sovereign God in all of this. Perhaps your loss, perhaps your hurt, perhaps your betrayal was part of a larger plan that God is in charge of to bring about what is really important in this whole thing, the spiritual transformation of a lost and dying person.” Philemon, this whole thing is not about you…and it involves you…but’s about God! And (Philemon) God can program any loss or hurt into our lives He wants to if it will bring about a greater, eternal good. Look at this whole thing, not from the viewpoint of your loss, but from the crow’s nest of God’s wonderful plan. #4 Forgiveness willingly extends grace 18

If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. 19 I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it— to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. 20 Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. “Let this thing go…live your life with GRACE.” Here Paul invites his friend to radical generosity.

“Philemon, God has been generous to you through me; now be generous to Onesimus. Refresh my heart in Christ.” FORGIVE this child of God, whom God is changing, in a plan God is working out, with radical generosity A friend of Clara Barton, founder of the American Red Cross, once reminded her of an especially cruel thing that had been done to her years before. But Miss Barton seemed not to recall it. “Don’t you remember it,” her friend asked. “No,” came the reply, “but I distinctly remember forgetting it.”i This small letter does not teach us everything that God has to say about forgiveness. But it teaches a lot. May I also show you the flip side? The flip side is…If I’m an Onesimus…

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RECEIVING TOUGH-STUFF FORGIVENESS (according to Paul’s letter to Philemon) #1 Forgiveness is more readily extended when I’ve honestly and truly repented before the Lord. 10

I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment.

Onesimus was a useless person, a true misnomer! Useless because he gave into sin and he gave into his flesh. He was lazy and stole things and broke the law and ran away. And when his wayward options ran out, God’s hand put him on a collision course with Paul (no sugar-coater!). While we don’t know the details, it’s fair to suppose that when Onesimus met Paul he was broke. His schemes, his sin had eaten him up; he desperately needed • • •

God to change him from the inside out. to be born again, born of the Spirit, born from above. what God could do for him in Christ

and he must have knelt next to Paul and confessed his sin and ask for God to start over with him. POINT: Don’t expect people to forgive you simply because you want out of your foolish, selfish choices…don’t expect forgiveness unless you’ve come clean with God. If you’re an Onesimus, it’s time to stop running. David said, PS 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Secondly…when receiving tough-stuff forgiveness #2

Demonstrating God’s change in me crucial.

(Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) 12 I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. 13 I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, 11

One thing you discover about Paul – he didn’t keep anyone around him who didn’t work hard or who didn’t have his heart sold out to the work of advancing the gospel. When John Mark got weak-kneed on the first missionary journey into Galatia, Paul sent him home, and wouldn’t take him on the second trip. He required committed people around him; the work of the kingdom was too important for half-heartedness and half-effort. James Howell (c 1594-1666) said it: An acre of performance is worth the whole world of promise. So, whatever Onesimus was with Philemon, he had now become a different man with Paul--now living up to

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the meaning of his name, and he came back to Philemon that way in hope of forgiveness. Thirdly, expect forgiveness… #3 By taking takes steps to own the consequences of my sin. 12 I

am sending him back to you, sending my very heart.

James adds: “James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” There is a special healing that happens in relationships when someone comes and says, “Hey…this is what I’ve done. I know it was wrong and I know it was sin. I want you to know that I’ve faced it straight on and I’m not excusing it for one minute.” Finally…I can expect to be forgiven…

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It takes a responsive heart to the Spirit to forgive.

Look again at what Paul says about his friend, Philemon I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, 6 and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. 7 For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. 4

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Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say

You may not always be forgiven by other Christians. Immature Christians will not easily forgive; they can be too often preoccupied with their hurt or with their need for payback. But if your dealing with someone like Philemon, and you have the other things in place…it is very likely you will experience the grace of God and the forgiveness of men. CONCLUSION The great itinerant preacher John Wesley came to America in the 1700’s as a missionary, and spent much of his time in the colony of Georgia. Georgia back then was a penal colony for the country of England, and General Oglethorpe was its governor. One day, Oglethorpe said to Wesley, “I never forgive,” whereupon Wesley replied, “Then I hope, sir, that you never sin.” What do you think Philemon did in the front room after he had considered well Paul’s powerful personal letter? My guess is that the Colossian Christians watched as two new friends celebrated the supremacy of Christ, now in both of their lives. Copyright 2016 © David A. Staff All rights reserved

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cited in Michael P. Green, 1500 Illustrations for Biblical Preaching (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2000), 153.

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