1 MORE ABOUT MARRIAGE Introduction 1. Marriage

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Responding to God in Faithful Living Series: 1 Corinthians Text: 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 Message 19 (June 10, 2012)

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Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. 32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. 36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. 39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Introduction 1. Marriage is a big deal. It can be the most glorious relationship imaginable – or it can be a 24/7 nightmare! If you are married, I hope yours is the former and not the later…but either can be reality. 2. Some of you are not married and you may be thinking, “I wish I were married. I really want to be married.” Paul has a word for you today in this text as well. 3. Before we jump in with both feet, I need to set-up something. I am using the Bible translation – English Standard Version. I like it very much. I believe it is an exceptional translation that is based on a “word for word” model from the original language text into English. Not all translations do that. Some are thought for thought rather than word for word. The Bibles in the pew racks are English Standard Version Bibles. But frankly, I am unclear why a few words in this text are translated as they are. Specifically I wonder about the word “betrothed” in verses 25 and 28 and 34. In most other English translations the word is “virgin.” The normal translation of the Greek word used would be virgin.

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4. I think those who were betrothed are in Paul’s mind as he wrote this, but I’m not sure this was all that he was thinking about and I am not sure the translators have the right to assume what Paul was thinking when they were translating. Maybe I should make a quick review of the idea of betrothal. 5. In our culture that would almost be a foreign word. The only thing close to it today would be engagement, but it was a legal contract that if broken would require a bill of divorce, even though the marriage had not yet been consummated. For starters, to help us understand, I will share a little account from Chuck Swindoll in his book Strike the Original Match (pp. 109-111). 6. We know about betrothal from the account of Joseph and Mary and Jesus. Mary was betrothed to Joseph, which again was a legal “marriage” but not yet consummated. Though they did not yet live together, the betrothal arrangement required a bill of divorce in order to dissolve the union. Joseph was prepared to quietly dissolve the betrothal when Mary told him that she was with child. He changed his mind quickly when the angel told him that Mary was in fact a virgin and the child she was carrying was the Son of God conceived by the Holy Spirit. 7. My assumption is that some Paul addresses were betrothed. Others probably were not but maybe wanted to be. So he directs his remarks mostly to those who were not yet married. 8. I think we can get a handle on the passage by arranging it around three questions. I. IS IT TIME FOR MARRIAGE? (25-31) A. A decision to be made 1. Marriage is a choice. God did not require marriage. Based on the creation account I think it is probably intended to be the normal response for most people, but it is not the only choice that can be made. 2. Paul makes it clear that if he was asked his opinion, he would counsel those who were single for whatever reason to remain unmarried – and he will explain why in this section. But it is a choice to be made. It is appropriate to marry and it is appropriate to remain single, but if the choice is made to remain single, that should be decided based on the right reasons. Often people remain single or desire to be single again for selfish reasons, not sound Biblical reasons. That is where Paul begins. Is it time to marry? It is a decision to be made. There are other considerations. 2

B. The present distress to be considered 1. He mentions (v. 26) “the present distress” and then in verses 28-31 he spells out what he has in mind. 2. In a mere ten years from the time of writing severe persecution would break out in the Roman Empire. Nero would turn his wrath against Christians using unthinkable means of torture and death. Corinth itself would furnish one of the early Christian martyrs. According to Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, Erastus, the treasurer of the city of Corinth mentioned in Romans 16:23 and probably a convert to Christianity through Paul’s ministry, was tortured to death in the city of Philippi. When Paul says in verse 29, “the appointed time has grown very short” this may well have been what he was talking about. Even if Paul did not anticipate the coming persecution, human life at it longest is still brief. That too can be part of this present distress. No matter how wonderful the marriage relationship, it will come to an end sooner or later. 3. Paul talks about being married and not being married, mourning and rejoicing, accumulating goods and having nothing as a way of reminding us that things can change in a hurry – for truly the world is passing away. Therefore we need to be careful that we do not become too attached to anything of this world! All of that may well come into account as we contemplate the choice of marriage. That does not mean that we run from it, but we need to be careful in our decision making. 4. So, the first question to be considered – “Is it time for marriage?” (Now if you are already married – it is too late. You are already wonderfully connected – or stuck…but in either case that decision is really off the table for you. You have other issues to work on! But if you are not married there is a second issue to ponder… II. ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? (32-38) I suppose no one is really ready. Married people, let’s be honest. When we said our vows – “for better or worse…for richer or poorer…in sickness and in health, till death do us part…” we had no idea what we were promising! Paul is not calling for omniscience here, but he is challenging us to give some consideration to what we are getting ourselves into. First he speaks of… A. Increased anxieties about life in general 1. Life is hard. Not the least of the challenges, guys, is verse 33 - But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife. Married men, how is going 3

for you on that one? (If I asked your wife, she might say that you are not nearly anxious enough about how to please her! That is another issue for another time. But this ought to be and surely is a concern. Husbands, we ought to desire to please our wife in the matters of this world, of this life. But in doing so, there are obviously going to be added anxieties. Here is why… 2. Paul continues – his interests are divided. Some of you wives may think that your husband’s interests are not nearly divided enough – they are not leaning your way as much as you would like, but the point is that when we get married, life changes. Interests are divided. We are no longer living for one or deciding for one. I can’t just go out and buy that new power tool or put those cool $2000 rims on my car. I have to budget money for more domestic concerns. 3. Paul says the same thing for women. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. Now, it is not wrong, husbands, to try to please your wife and wives, it is not wrong to try to please your husband. We who are married should be working on that (some of you need to step it up a little bit), but that is the point. Interests are divided. Are you ready for that – single person? B. Increased anxieties about life specifically 1. There is the call to all believers that we are to love the Lord with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. If we are anxious about anything it should be about pleasing the Lord (v. 32). Our concerns ought to be toward, “how to be holy in body and spirit” (v. 34). Now that is to be true whether we are married or single, but Paul would make the case that it is more difficult to stay focused on that single objective if we are married because our anxiety level will likely expand to include our spouse (and that does not even address the issue of children). 2. “Marriage involves conflicts, demands, hardships, sacrifices and adjustments that singleness just does not. Marriage is ordained by God, (is) good, holy and fulfilling, but it does not solve all problems…The two become one, but they are still two personalities, two distinct people with their own likes and dislikes, their own characteristics, emotions, temperaments, and wills. Each partner has some degree of anger, selfishness, dishonesty, pride, forgetfulness and thoughtlessness. That’s true even of the best marriages” (MacArthur, 1 Corinthians, p. 181). And I would suggest to you that at every failure or inconsistency or act of selfishness on the part 4

of our spouse or ourselves increases our anxiety levels and distracts us from the single purpose of living wholly for Christ. Does that mean marriage is to be avoided at all costs? No! Does it mean that I cannot be a spiritual Christian if I am married? No! But potentially it raises the level of challenge to so live to serve Christ. A prayer I occasionally used in a marriage ceremony contained this line - Now our joys are doubled since the happiness of one is the happiness of the other. Our burdens are halved; for when we share them, we divide the load. I think that is true, but as married people there are more burdens to bear. 3. Before we write off marriage, however, there are issues about being single that can also be distracting and ever bit as challenging as being married. One of those areas involves sexual purity. Paul speaks of that in verse 36. In marriage there is a righteous release from such tension that is not available for those who are single. Being married does not solve all sexually related problems. Many are carried over into the marriage and can cause great harm to the marriage, but part of the blessing of marriage is the potential for human intimacy beyond anything that is possible outside of marriage. So, is it time for marriage? Are you ready to be married? Now Paul deals with the third question. III. ARE YOU COMMITTED TO MARRIAGE (39-40) A. Bound to be free 1. Once we are married, God’s intention is that this union should continue for life. Paul writes from the wife’s perspective. To be bound can be a good image or an unpleasant one. I think of a baby wrapped tightly in a warm blanket on a cold day. The little one can hardly move, but is snug and secure and warm and happy. I can also think of someone being tied against his/her will. That image of being bound is not a good one. 2. In regard to marriage, being bound together should be a good thing. There is a union of two lives being brought together as one. It should be snug and warm and secure and happy. And the last thing that either husband or wife would desire would be to have that union broken. We should not desire to be free. We want to continue in that union. 3. But there will come a time – even in the best of marriages when that union is broken by death. When that happens, the surviving partner is free – not by choice, but free 5

nonetheless. Death is not the only intruder that can break the bonds of marriage but that is the one Paul deals with here. As long as there is life the relationship should continue. If you are married, you are not free to do what you want, to come and go in the relationship. You are divinely bound until God sets you free. Suppose you are single for whatever reason. You may be… B. Free to be bound 1. Once the marriage is dissolved (here by death) the surviving spouse is free to remarry. Paul’s counsel is that it is your choice to marry or not to marry and it is your choice in regard to the one you marry. He has one requirement – “only in the Lord.” In other words, if you are free and you wish to marry, make sure you marry a believer. As a child of light, don’t be joined together to one who walks in darkness. That will not work well. 2. If you are thinking about marriage, are you committed to a lifetime relationship? Are you committed to marrying a believer? Are you prepared? Those are important questions. Conclusion 1. This has not been an easy chapter to digest. For some of you it has been like eating your vegetables – its filling but not too thrilling! In this room are unmarried people – some who have never married and others who are no longer married due to divorce or the death of your spouse. Others of you are married and happily so. Others are married, but happy is not the first word you would use to describe your relationship. For whatever reasons, it seems that you are always rubbing each other the wrong way. Conflict is a way of life – and few if any are resolved. 2. Paul’s counsel to you who are unmarried is to either remain in such a state giving yourself to the glory of God in the work of God, or find a believing mate and marry and give yourself to make that marriage a haven of joy. His counsel to the married would be to stay at the relationship and work on it and work with it. Remember that neither you nor your spouse is perfect and neither you nor your spouse will ever achieve perfection. Deal with it together while trusting God to continue to transform you. 3. If your marriage is coming apart at the seams, do whatever you can to make repairs. Seek help. Cry out to God. Be willing to change. Be willing to forgive. If your marriage 6

is good, keep doing what you are doing and keep thanking God for each other and stay focused on your spouse rather than yourself and you will keep that marriage in good repair. 4. It is a lot of work to live to the glory of Christ – but it is a good work and the fruit of that work is sweet. I want to conclude this section of 1 Corinthians with prayer, asking God to help us in whatever state we find ourselves. Please pray with me.

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