Dating Decisions

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Dating Decisions YW Lesson 35, Manual 3

Live Your List! “It starts with making a commitment. When I was a young woman, I learned that some decisions need to be made only once. I wrote my list of things I would always do and things I would never do in a small tablet. It included things like obeying the Word of Wisdom, praying daily, paying my tithing, and committing to never miss church. I made those decisions once, and then in the moment of decision, I knew exactly what to do because I had decided beforehand. When my high s]bool `rc_n^s s[c^, “Just on_ ^rcnk won‟t burt,” I l[uab_^ [n^ s[c^, “I ^_]c^_^ wb_n I w[s 12 not to ^o tb[t.” M[kcna ^_]cscons cn [^v[n]_ wcll help you be guardians of virtue. I hope each of you will write a list of things you will always do and things you will never do. Then live your list.”

-Elaine S Dalton

Dating Don’ts 1.

Don’t forget your divinity

“R_m_m\_r, youna wom_n, tb_ cmport[n]_ o` prop_r ^[tcna. … Our Heavenly Father wants you to date young men who are faithful members of the Church, who will be worthy to take you to the

t_mpl_ [n^ \_ m[rrc_^ tb_ Lor^‟s w[y. Tb_r_ wcll \_ [ n_w spcrct cn Zcon wb_n tb_ youna wom_n wcll s[y to tb_cr \oy`rc_n^s, „I` you cannot get a temple recommend, then I am not about to tie my lc`_ to you, _v_n `or mort[lcty!‟ … “My youna scst_rs, w_ b[v_ su]b bop_ `or you. W_ b[v_ su]b ar_[t _xp_]t[tcons `or you. Don‟t s_ttl_ `or l_ss tb[n what the Lord w[nts you to \_” -Ezra Taft Benson, “To tb_ Youna Wom_n o` tb_ Cbur]b,” Ensign, Nov. 1986 2. Don’t believe the “statistics”

• Although only 13 percent of teens have ever had sex by age 15, sexual activity is common by the late teen years. By their 19th birthday, seven in 10 teens of both sexes have had intercourse. • On average, young people have sex for the first time at about age 17. These statistics make young people feel like “everybody is doing it”. This is a lie. This is a lie perpetuated by Satan. There are many young people who do guard their virtue and maintain their purity in today‟s world. Don‟t believe the statistics.

3. Don’t be insecure about who you are

Date from a position of strength. Don‟t ^[t_ \_][us_ you [r_ “n__^y”. This will make you vulnerable and cause you to compromise your standards. Dating is largely a process of rejection. You need to be strong enough to take rejection and not let it ruin you and make you feel worthless. You also need to be strong enough to reject others when their standards are not yours. Believe that you deserve the very best. Remember that you are a daughter of God that deserves to be treated with respect. Then demand that respect from the boys you date. 4. Don’t be a “tease”

“Behave like a daughter of God. Do not be forward, loud, brash, or suggestive. You may have seen this kind of behavior in movies, but it is not fitting for a young woman who understands her identity as a daughter of God” -“Advice to Young Women on Dating” YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 5. Don’t go “steady”

“For decades, prophets have preached that youth who are in no position to marry should not pair off exclusively. For instance, President Hinckley s[c^, “Wb_n you [r_ youna, ^o not a_t cnvolv_^ cn steady dating. When you reach an age where you think of

marriage, then is the time to become so involved. But you boys who are in high school ^on‟t n__^ tbcs, [n^ n_ctb_r ^o tb_ acrls” -“Som_ Tbouabts on T_mpl_s, R_t_ntcon o` Conv_rts, [n^ Mcsscon[ry S_rvc]_,” Ensign, Nov. 1997

Dating Do’s 1.

Do DATE!

“Dating is fun! Dating is an opportunity for you to develop and expand your friendships with young men. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a simple and meaningful ^_`cnctcon o` [ `rc_n^: “Frc_n^s [r_ p_opl_ wbo m[k_ ct _[sc_r to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.” Date young men who make you w[nt to \_ [ \_tt_r p_rson. “B_ your \_st s_l`” so you ][n \e a good influence to those you date.” -Advice to Young Women on Dating YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 2. Do be spiritually fit

“You would also want to make commitments regarding modesty of ^r_ss [n^ bow to []t wbcl_ ^[tcna. K__pcna tb_ Lor^‟s st[n^[r^s cs always easier when you have already determined how you will act when faced with decisions in the presence of a date, friends, or peers. Some individuals may not understand your standards as you follow righteous principles and keep your commitments, but they

will truly respect and admire you and wish that they were more like you.” -Advice to Young Women on Dating YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 3. Do include your parents and family

“If you are old enough to date, you are old enough to know that your parents have not only the right but the sacred obligation, and they are under counsel from the leaders of the Church, to concern themselves with your dating habits. If you are mature enough to date, you are mature enough to accept without childish, juvenile argument their authority as parents to set rules of conduct for you. Be patient with your parents. They love you so deeply. They are emotionally involved with you, and they may become too vigorous as they set their guidelines for you to follow. But be patient. Remember, they are involved in a big do-it-yourself child-raising project, and this is their first time through. They have never raised a child just like you before. Give them the right to misunderstand and to make a mistake or two. They have accorded you that right. Recognize their authority. Be grateful for their discipline. Such discipline may set you on the path to greatness.

Be open with your parents. Communicate with them. Discuss with them your problems. Have prayer with them before a date” -Boyd K. Packer, “You‟r_ cn tb_ Drcv_r‟s S_[t,” Liahona, June 2004. 4. Do talk, talk, talk

Learn how to communicate. Don‟t ^_v_lop [ r_l[tconsbcp tb[t cs [ll “t_xt” [n^ no “t[lk”. P[rtc]cp[t_ cn activities that encourage talking, laughing and communicating. If a guy can‟t _v_n ][rry on [ conversation….watch out! 5. Do be kind

“Improve your social skills. Be kind, inclusive of others, and considerate of otb_rs‟ n__^s. Learn proper etiquette and manners. All of these things will help you become the kind of person others will want to be around.” “Show interest in others and in the things they like to do. Ask questions that will help them feel comfortable and help you get to know them better.” -Advice to Young Women on Dating YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 6. Do have good clean fun

“Have fun and be fun on dates as you get to know others. Plan engaging activities together. Some of the most fun dates can be

as simple as cooking a meal together. Or consider a service opportunity. You can observe and get to know the other person better by doing activities than by just sitting and watching movies.” -Advice to Young Women on Dating YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 7. Date a variety of guys….even ones you think you would “never marry!”

“Help others become their best selves. Make them better for having had a date with you. Even if you do not have many opportunities to date, you can smile and make new friends. Choose to be optimistic. Even disappointments in dating can help you grow. Every person you meet can enrich your life, and you can bless others as you share with them your best self.” -Advice to Young Women on Dating YOUNG WOMEN GENERAL PRESIDENCY 8. Follow the “ABC’s” (This is from a previous lesson I gave where I talked about relationships being like singing the ABC’s. There is a proper order and time for each level of commitment. Skipping ahead to the end will bring problems and sorrow.)

“The problem is, a lot of teenagers jump the gun. They think these friendship-type relationships are only for younger kids, and they plunge into romantic relationships more appropriate for young

adults (people in their 20s), who are in a position to think about marriage. These romantic relationships have two components: physical and emotional. Generally speaking, boys crave the physical part more than girls do, and girls crave the emotional part more than boys do. Because boys have less of a desire for emotional closeness, they are usually in control of how deep this aspect of the relationship will become. Likewise, because girls are less driven by a desire for a physical relationship, they are generally in control of how far that aspect of the relationship will go. Marriage is where these two components come together in more perfect harmony. Though LDS youth generally know the kinds of physical contact they should avoid (sexual transgressions and inappropriate touching), they often wonder when it is OK to hug or kiss or do other such things. But these questions ignore the emotional half of the equation. Tb_ qu_stcon cs not scmply wb_r_ you put your b[n^s, \ut ct‟s where you put your heart. Often two teens (especially LDS youth wbo know tb_ Lor^‟s ]omm[n^m_nts) wcll \_ t_mpt_^ to \_]om_ pbysc][l only c` tb_y‟v_ [lr_[^y _st[\lcsb_^ tb_ kcn^ of relationship that would permit it—one that has already reached a level of emotional connectedness and commitment.

After high school (and a mission, for a young man), if young adults become emotionally intimate and naturally desire physical intimacy, they are in a position to do something about it: they could get married. But if teens become emotionally intimate and naturally ^_scr_ pbysc][l cntcm[]y, tb_y ][n‟t ^o [nytbcna [\out ct. Tb_y‟r_ not in a position to marry, so they either break the law of chastcty or \r_[k on_ [notb_r‟s b_[rts \y _n^cna tb_ r_l[tconsbcp.” -J_[n_tt_ G. Smctb, “Unsteady Dating,” New Era, Apr. 2010 9. Be a “Guardian of Virtue”

“Young women, you are engaged in a great work! And you are not alone! As you guard your virtue and purity, you will be given strength. As you keep the covenants you have made, the Holy Ghost will guide and guard you. You will be surrounded by heavenly hosts of angels. President Thomas S. Monson r_mcn^s us, “R_m_m\_r that we do not run alone in this great race of life; we are _ntctl_^ to tb_ b_lp o` tb_ Lor^.” Prepare for that day when you wcll ]om_ to tb_ Lor^‟s t_mpl_ wortby and prepared to make sacred covenants. As guardians of virtue, you will want to seek the Savior in His holy house” -Elaine S. Dalton I Love to see the Temple….I’m Going There Someday Your “Som_^[y” cs ]los_r tb[n you tbcnk. Ar_ you r_[^y?