Last Week

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W E E K 3 - M AY 8 & 1 1 , 2 0 1 4

Texts: Romans 12:9-10, 1 John 4:7-8, Genesis 1:26, 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,

4:9-12

John

Big idea: The world’s way of dating is the hobby of hanging out and hooking up.

God’s way of dating is pursuing godliness while pursuing a spouse. One Degree Follow Up (5 minutes)

Last Week: Over the next week read Proverbs 31:10-31 and study how Ruth was much like the woman described there. If you are a woman ask God to cultivate in you the qualities you’ve been reading about and studying. If you are a man ask God to give you strength and show you how to recognize the qualities of a woman of noble character and to be the man to lead her. Determine in your heart to not give into temptation and settle for less than God’s best for you. Accountability Questions: To the Women: 1. How did you see God show you how to be a Godly woman this past week? To the Men: 2. How did you see God show you how to lead or look for a Godly woman this past week? The Recap (10 minutes) Dating is not a hobby or a sport, but dating should move to courtship. The purpose of dating is to be intentional about finding a spouse. Healthy marriages start with healthy courtships. The ingredients that lead to healthy marriages are: 1. Pursuit 2. Grow/Cultivate 3. Deepen Friendship 4. Intimacy (not physical) BE PATIENT 5. Solve problems together 6. Progress

If you are single and looking for a spouse, be intentional with your time, words, and actions. Godly dating is not focused on instant gratification, but rather an opportunity to honor and serve. Pursuit and progress lay the foundation for a Godly marriage. If you are married, never stop dating! Be intentional with deepening the intimacy with your spouse by remembering why you love them. Pursuit and progress does not end when you say “I do,” but cultivating an intimate environment for your spouse must be planned and not just hoped for.

Questions (From the Weekend Sermon) To those not married: 1. How does your dating life line up with God’s way of dating? How does it not? To those married: 2. How is pursuit and progress evident or not evident in your marriage?

Teaching & Dialogue In 1859 author Charles Dickens wrote a book called The Tale of Two Cities. In this book he coined the phrase, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” For many of us that statement summarizes the culmination of our dating experiences. Dating can be an exciting and exhilarating experience as new relationships are formed and love blossoms. When done in the right way dating can be God honoring and leave two people, whether they end up married or not built up, encouraged and closer to their heavenly father. Unfortunately, many times the selfishness of our flesh leaves us broken, humiliated and looking for something or someone else to fill the gap in our hearts. What is dating anyway? According to the dictionary “Dating” is defined as the series of social engagements shared by a couple looking to get married. Dating is all about the pursuit of love between a man and a woman. The Bible never mentions the word or term dating. During that time and now in many cultures around the world marriages were arranged by families. According to our track record of divorce in the United States, due to our pursuit of romance, couples that are placed together have a far better chance of marital bliss than those who just “Follow their Heart”. So, what is the best way to find your mate? Is it all about technique or principal? All though the Bible doesn’t talk specifically about dating, it does go into great detail about God’s love for and pursuit of us. His love example is the basis for our love for one another in all relationships and should be the firm foundation for any dating relationship, courtship and marriage. Today we will look at God’s plan for bringing men and women together that will reveal to us practical rules for dating.

Rule #1 - Love each other as a brother or sister in Christ:

When you view someone as a child of God, there is no way you can simultaneously want to use or abuse the that person. Have someone read Romans 12:9-10 out loud.

The mark of a true Christian is one that loves genuinely, clings to what is good, shows brotherly affection and showers others with honor. Before stepping into a romantic relationship your foundation must be the mindset of a fellow brother and sister that was paid for by the blood of Christ. Men, as God’s leaders there is no upgrade of your manhood for you to look at a woman as a trophy or an object. You are called to cherish and protect women as treasures. Women, as treasures there is no increase of your value for you to provoke and lure men away from Godliness. You are called to encourage them and clothe yourself with dignity.

Rule #2 - Date with a purpose: Dating should not be a hobby, but rather done with the purpose of love, courtship, and marriage. Godly love should envelope every relationship you have. So what is love anyway? In order to have a clear road map we must first figure out the destination. Have someone read 1 John 4:7-8 out loud. In this verse John is saying that we should love one another, and that love is from God and that God is love. It is impossible to love without knowing God. We can share aspects of love and mirror love but we can never truly love without knowing God. As people who have surrendered to Jesus we are called to a higher standard in our relationships. John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Have someone read Genesis 1:26 out loud. God created us like Him for a reason. If love is from God and God is love what does this mean? We were made to give and receive love. When our dating relationships operate in a pure Christ like way it is God honoring and glorifying because, “God is love”.

Rule #3 - Date to honor God: If dating is simply about meeting our

needs and filling a void for companionship we could be setting ourselves up for disaster. Have someone read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 out loud. These verses are describing and defining love from a Biblical or God perspective. Notice it doesn’t mention anything about feelings, emotion or what it needs. Love is an action!

Have someone read 1 John 4:9-10 out loud. The next Biblical example of love is exhibited through the actions of the Father when he sent the Son to pay the price for our sins and do that which we could not do for ourselves even when we were still enemies of God. Through this act of love through a God whom is love we get the definition of love. Love is a choice!

Have someone read 1 John 4:11-12 out loud.

Finally we see that love is a commitment! God is committed to love us and through that example we must love each other and be committed to one another. God’s love for us is not based on a feeling, although there may be feelings attached to it. God’s love for us is not conditional or based upon our own behavior. This in turn calls us to love in a way that goes beyond how we feel. Yes, we guard our hearts, but if we learn to love honestly and unconditionally then that foundation will be set for a greater successful relationship. If you are currently in a DATING relationship that does not honor God, you need to evaluate the relationship. The other person may not be willing to change and you can’t control that, but you can control your choice to be in that relationship. God provides wisdom and conviction for us to respond in a way that honors Him with the choice of whom we yoke ourselves with.

Rule #4 - Date your spouse: Dating is not just for single people, but it

is also a vital tool in enriching a marriage. Be intentional and proactive when it comes to dating your spouse. Cultivating an environment of romance, friendship, and fun says that you value your spouse and desire to connect with them on many levels.

Questions: To everyone: 1. What does society say about dating? (unfortunately our society often directing links dating with premarital sex and a frivolous way to be social.) 2. What are some differences between what the world says love is and what the Bible says love is? (Biblical love is based on sacrifice and servant hood.) 3. Why is love such an important foundation of dating? (the way we love God will displayed in how we love others. Loving as a brother and sister in Christ first sets the stage for a dating relationship.) 4. How is love a choice and not a feeling? (God does not base His love for us on feelings, but His covenant with us stands on unconditional love.) 5. How should you be committed to both the one you are pursuing and Jesus in your dates? To those that are married: 1. Why is it important to date your spouse? (dating stirs up the affection you have for one another and shows that you value your spouse) 2. How can you incorporate dating into your marriage? (think scheduling, budget, childcare) To those in a dating relationship: 1. What are some problems with modern day dating?

2. Why is marriage the end goal in dating? (Dating is not a hobby or a sport, but it has the purpose of finding a spouse. Dating without this purpose in mind lends itself to temptation to give away pieces of your heart and body to someone that is not your spouse.) 3. How should your actions exhibit godly love while dating? (Read 1 Corinthians 13) 4. Are you in a dating relationship now that needs to end because it is not glorifying to God? (If so, seek God’s voice and wise counsel) To those that are single: 1. Is it better for you to be single right now and view it as a gift to serve the Lord with your time? Why or why not? 2. Why is marriage the purpose of dating? How does that affect the way you view dating? 3. How are you preparing yourself to date in a God glorifying way? To everyone: If love comes from God and God is love then our relationships and our ability to love can only be as strong as our relationship with God. The goal is sanctification: that every area of our lives line up with Him and that we are not fragmented or lead compartmentalized lives. We should lead every area 100% in full view of the Gospel. The Gospel is the “Good News” of Jesus Christ. We are accepted therefore we obey, not we obey therefore we are accepted. 1. How do you think your relationship with Jesus affects your ability to love other people? 2. Are you surrendered to him? What are the areas of your life you are struggling to fully surrender to him? Have someone read Colossians 3:23-24 out loud. MOMENT OF TRUTH: In whatever stage of life you are in (whether you are single, married, widowed, or divorced) every area of your life should glorify God. ONE DEGREE TURN: Get a God perspective on your dating relationship. When you see your relationships as God sees them you will honor Him in them. 1. Have a lunch date with Jesus this week. Pray about how you can use whatever stage of life you are in to glorify God? 2. Plan a great God glorifying date that will honor your spouse, fiancé, boyfriend or girlfriend. Be committed to be intentional about dating with a purpose.