Life Notes Exclusivity in Marriage Song of Solomon 1

---

Life Notes Exclusivity in Marriage Song of Solomon 1 Opening Do you have any favorite song duets? What are some great movie duets of all time? Song of Solomon 1:1 says “love is better that wine” – What does that phrase say to you?

Unpacking the Message Most people understand desire; as Ted said, when you get the “tingles”. But raising the value of your spouse is more difficult. An important factor in accomplishing this is exclusivity. Explain the difference between exclusivity and openness in a relationship and in a marriage. When exclusivity is pursued in a relationship, value is raised and real desire grows. Why or how does this work? Why is it that doing things like viewing pornography and day dreaming or fanaticizing about other people challenge exclusivity in a marriage? It has been said by some in our culture that it is OK for a married man to “look at other women” as long as they “don’t touch.” In light of exclusivity, what is the problem with this approach? In verses 5 to 11, the woman’s sense of lack of beauty (her darker skin) causes her to become insecure; she is worried that she is not pretty enough. This threatens their exclusivity. Why is insecurity a threat to exclusivity? Starting in verse 8, Solomon addresses the Shulammite woman’s insecurity by telling her that he finds her attractive and he has selected her over others. How does speaking about why we love someone overcome insecurity and benefit a marriage? Solomon used word pictures to build up the Shulammite woman. What word pictures have you used to build someone up? The “daughters of Jerusalem are used in this passage as an example of those who support someone during times of difficulty in their marriage or courtship. Do you support anyone or does anyone support you? In verses 10 & 11 Solomon gives some jewelry to her. Why is the giving of jewelry so special?

Is the building of exclusivity in a marriage a deterrent against affairs and why? One of the things we learned from Ted was how to view something that might potentially be annoying to us in a positive light. Is this just a backwards way of complaining or is there a real difference? Have you ever encountered people who, in a group setting when their spouse is not present, will complain extensively about their spouse? What effects does this have on everyone?

Further Study Read Deuteronomy 17:14-18 which are instructions for the kings of Israel. Note some things that Solomon did that were contrary to these instructions. Solomon had many wives and concubines. Was God OK with this? Is it appropriate to take insights on marriage relationships from Song of Solomon recognizing these things?

Application Ted shared some of his list of things he loves about his wife. List at least 5 things that you love about your wife or husband and share that with them this week. Remember, it is not just the words, but how you express them is also extremely important. Become a student of your spouse. This week learn something new about them. Things like what they like or may be something that they did when they were young that you didn’t know. Ted said honoring people raises desire. What are some things you can do this week to honor your spouse?